DAY 1 Only 304 days left. Roughly. I might get time off for good behavior in 244. But I've never had the best behavior... I only pre-told a handful of people that I was going to get braces. For some reason, I have a hard time letting go of the status quo. I wanted life to be as normal as possible for my last day--soak in all the normalcy I could before life took a drastic turn. Since my braces have been on, responses have been varied. Some people--my new best friends--didn't even notice. Others have told me they think it's admirable to get braces when you're past your teenage years. The most common response has been "I need to do that too." It's unbelievable how many people out there hate their teeth. Many of them have insignificant issues--one tooth is slightly crossing another, or their bottom teeth are a little out of line--and many of them have the same attitude I had: "if I can't fix it with a retainer I only have to wear at night, I won't bother!" I was resolute when I walked into that office that I was getting Invisalign or nothing, but the years and years of hiding my smile and pushing on my snaggle tooth in hopes that I could get it to magically realign itself finally caved in on me. Just do it. Just do it the way you know will fix it. Just get it done and be done with it. Just trust the orthodontist with his book of success stories and overly gracious discount. They have an opening tomorrow and They'll waive the $200 records fee if you take it. Just effing do it. My cheeks are thrashed. Not just from the wires, but also because I'm still so self-conscious that I find myself pursing my lips closed and sucking out all the air from my mouth which has made it extremely dry. I got the speed-set braces which means that, unlike traditional braces and bands, and because of advanced technology, these brackets are able to grip the wire tightly with no give, so no matter how much my teeth rebel against it, there is no escape. Essentially, I've walked my teeth into a POW camp. So naturally, since they can't retaliate against the wire, they've retaliated against me in the form of solid food resistance. For the past 30 or so hours, I have only eaten two cereal bars and those took about 3 hours each to get down. I am starving. But the pain caused by attempting to eat is enough to make my stomach growls subside. Well played teeth, well played. On the plus side, by the time I get these things off, I'll have lost those pesky 10 pounds I've been trying to loose all of my adult life. I've also forgotten how to say certain conjunctions like "st" or "sh" or "ts," anything where my teeth need to meet to produce the proper sound. It's awesome. (Which coincidentally, is a phrase that now sounds like "Iths Awethome.") I got braces because I am an actor and I was tired of only ever being considered for "character" roles. Because a snaggle-tooth adds a lot of "character".....I'm actually in a play right now that opens in two weeks for which I desperately need full use of my conjunctions. I mean, Shakespeare is hard enough for an audience to understand as it is without adding a lisp to it. I dreamed last night that all my brackets fell off and I had to go back in and have them reattached but tried to talk them into putting them back on in a month or so....if that were the case, it would add another 61 days to my sentence. Sigh. At this point, I would still consider it.